My heart hurts today...

I should be in bed but I cannot think about sleep right now.. my mind is spinning and my heart hurts.. aches for my family today.
My mother in law has cancer, she has had for sometime now and we all had hope, prayed for miracles, believed the doctors that they were going to help her..make her well.. keep her with us.

Today that hope ended and now our hope has turned to a new hope, a hope for less pain, less nausea, less medication, less sadness. Relief for her

There is a phrase worse than " you have cancer". It is "were sending you home from the hospital and setting you up with Pallative/Hospice care". For comfort..
This was the term I heard today from my mother in law followed by.. I don't have long, the kids need to know so they are prepared" 
*I* am not prepared.. her son is not prepared.
We thought we had 5 months to a year..not anything this short of time..

No one is ever prepared to lose someone they love when it could have been avoided if someone hadn't made a mistake months ago.. followed by another followed by stalling, waiting, hoping, wishing, meeting, more tests, lets try this for now.

I sat numb after speaking with her today thinking all these very selfish thoughts like..
She'll not see my 2 youngest children graduate, fall in love, get married, have babies...she wont be here. She wont be here at Christmas or Thanksgivings. There will be an empty seat that she should be sitting in. 
Life will never be the same.. ever. 
When I argue with my husband over the fact that I dont have a 6 burner gas stove and 2 wall ovens, whos going to laugh and take my side and say.. yeah why doesnt she have those Jamie?
When I royally mess up a pastry recipie who will I call to tell me what I did wrong?  On mothers day who will my husband fret over a gift for when she'd be happy with dinner with us over anything else? 

I am the rare type that actually loves and gets along well with my mother in law, so for me this is as great a loss coming as my husband and yet.. someone has to hold it together, someone needs to be "fine" 
Im so not fine.. I cannot imagine how the next few weeks, months, years will play out.
I know loss.. I know how it feels to lose someone this close, I know the hurt, anger, why"s that will come.

Normally when I blog I know what to say.. I have been trying to get these few paragraphs out now for almost an hour and this is all I can say.

Im sad. I'm scared. I'm so very angry. and helpless.

I have a difficult time talking about this to anyone cause i cry.. Ive cried most of the day. I have not been able to talk to my kids or step daughter about this cause I want to cry and I cant.. I need to be strong. I want to talk to my husband but I cant cause I dont know what to say to him... this is HIS mom but i feel like im losing my own.

I wanted to talk to someone today but everyone was at work... so I sat and cried.

I wonder how long before I run out of tears?
How long do we have with her a week? 2? maybe lucky enough for a month?

the biggest question I have for God.. why her?

Time to get busy living or get busy dying

Over the past month I have tried with all my mind to be positive and to see the good in each day..now I have found this is increasingly more difficult with each day that passes.. I feel like I take two steps forward and in a good place and wham someone kicks me right in the head and Im back down again. This morning I woke up sat at the table and watched my children arguing ( like they always do in the morning) but today was different.. they were arguing over what time Selaira was going to drive Victoria to school and it dawned on me..
life is so damn short.
It was just yesterday that Selaira was wheeling around the backyard in her little tykes car and Victoria was a baby in my arms and now.. Selaira is driving, getting ready to go off to college, Laura is married and has a child of her own now and Victoria is like this mini teenager who cannot wait to grow up.
I feel like I blinked and it all passed me by while I was so busy trying to make something of myself to make up for a whole life of being treating like I was a loser by people and family... I tried being a Singer, guitar player, songwriter, baker.. something my kids could remember me by and be proud of me.. and I feel like no matter what I did I failed.
except for ONE thing.. I am a damn nice person. and somewhat of a doormat.. but hey we gotta be good at something right?
If you ask my children if I love them.. they will say yes.
If you ask the people I love if I truly loved them.. they know I do cause I show it not say it.
If you ask starngers if I am kind.. they will say I am.
I found out what I am good at.. People pleasing... almost always at the expense of myself.
I give everything I have to everyone and somehow am made to feel bad when I hope for the same in return and question why I don't get it.
I encourage people and give advice even if they dont take it because I want whats best for everyone.. again but never take my own advice.

If I were talking to a friend or loved one about my life as it were theirs I would say this..
If people treat you like you dont matter, then leave them behind because THEY dont.
If you feel like you are invisible, show yourself to the world if they dont see you THEY are blind.
If you are unhappy with the way life has dealt you blow after blow of bad, make changes to make it better.
If you want to quit.. do it! theres no shame in giving up, you tried you did your best, if it wasnt good enough you can say I tried at least.
If you are tired lay down.
If People ignore you remember what are really doing it teaching you that you can in fact carry on without them in your life. You dont need them. And they dont need you.

Now all that said.. those things are all easier said than done but being that not following my own advice finds me more often than not hurt, crying, wondering why Im never good enough for people, why everyone I love dies or just gives up on me when I need them most. I need to change.
Some may call it selfish, some may say I dont have it in me.. but I think I do.
I believe I have the strength inside me to focus on the ones that matter to me. Do I want to live the rest of my life chasing after dreams that are ridiculous to achieve or hoping people will care back just cause I care? Do I want to wake up each day for the rest of whats left of my life feeling like if I fell off the planet 8 people will notice? NO.. HELL NO!

So, I made a decision..
Its me time.. Its time to live under MY terms, my rules and for what makes ME happy. 
Happy me means happy people in my inner sanctum of people who truly give a shit... the ones who ask how you are and then wait for an answer.. not wait for their turn to talk about themselves and not hear what you just said or really care.
Surround myself with the people that dont punch a family and friend "time clock" of when they are available for a conversation..
Not surround myself with people who would ignore me on the street if they saw me because they are not willing to acknowledge we are friends while with their other friends.
I will not make first contact with people.. you wanna talk.. you know how to find me. I'll answer if I feel you genuinely want to know how I am.

There is a difference between selfish and self preservation.

Its my time to save my own life and hopefully I will look around 6 months from now and see who walked with me and are still at my side. If people are behind me I wont see them. 
The past is the past.. leave it there.

Today I start fresh. Today I start over.
You never get to the end of a book if you stay stuck reading back chapters.

Yes, I know it's been awhile

Well, looking back it seems that I broke my resolution to blog at least once a week.
Life got in the way I suppose.

I know you all love when my posts are a HodgePodge of various rantings and thoughts by me and this will be no exception as a lot has happened since I last posted.
Grab a coffee sit back and enjoy!

I wonder where to begin.. Maybe the thing most on my mind these days.

Cancer.. heck yes I said it out loud.
You aren't supposed to talk about it, it makes people uncomfortable. Guess what.. its out there, consuming lives and affecting mine in many ways.
It strikes me as odd how Doctors can be so lacksidaisy on the subject of treatment and getting to the core of it.
There has been cancer running rampant through my life in the last 8 months. Every time I turn around, there it is again. Why is there no cure? oh, yes there actually is a cure BUT.. it is not profitable so why would they ever want to heal people? I mean the chemotherapy and hormone and radiation treatments is a billion dollar industry so why would they want to produce pills that cost mere pennies to make? Oh, that's right to save lives??!! Imagine that.. not letting people die and suffer and undergo surgeries and worry.
I hope to see this sometime before I die.. them bring this to a realisation instead of just a cure sitting in a lab unused.

Next.. Children these days.
Ok, I totally get that not all children are like mine and fear for their lives to talk back to me and when they do its because they totally believe in the point they are trying to make so they get brave but never EVER would you find my children being disrespectful to another adult.
It baffles me how many children out there talk to grown ups like they do.
I had a interesting conversation with one of my friends on this subject and then another friend and we are all in agreeance on this point.
How a child interacts with an adult whether it be a family member or a friend of the family is a direct reflection of how those adults are spoken about or respected by their own parents.
If you have a friend that you constantly put down or make snarky comments about or talk about behind their backs and talk shit about, the child will see that and assume that this is truly how you feel about that person and in turn show them the same disrespect, but the difference is... the child doesn't know enough to put on the "fake face" while interacting with that adult. All they know is "my mom/dad talks bad about them in front of me or within earshot so they must not deserve respect from me either"

So pay attention, if a child sasses you or says things that are hurtful and disrespectful to you on a regular basis and nothing gets said by the parent about it, its likely because that parent doesn't want their child to come back with "well you talk bad about them all the time" in front of you and their secret be out. I actually found out a few of my "friends" obviously have a lot to say by the way their children treat me and I did absolutely nothing to the children to warrant that attitude.
I think that as a society we have allowed children to become rude, spiteful, entitled individuals that when they step out into the real world and out from mommy and daddy's protection.. they re gonna get their asses kicked by someone who wont tolerate it.
Social media.. I allowed my child finally to have a facebook to communicate with her friends.. that's it. No instagram ( yet I am still thinking about that one) no twitter, no kik messenger or any of the other apps on the list of top 5 apps your child should not have ( can we say paedophile playground??) no snapchat and definitely no cell phone. What 10 year old needs any of that? Yet.. i open up these instagram and see pictures from little girls and think.. where are your parents while you take these pictures and post them on the Internet? so I don't mind at all when my child comes in, drops her bag at the door and turns right around and goes to the park to play with her friends and I have to drag her back in to eat and then shes back out till dusk. Better that than wasting her life away on the worldwide web of lies and trouble.

Which brings me to my next rant..
The other day my daughter came downstairs wearing my other daughters pants and shirt, my shoes and had my headband on her head and was wearing my new lipstick.. I said go take off everything that doesn't belong to you and put on your own things.
She replied that she wanted to be like me and selaira and look like us and dress like us and do what we did..
I realised this was my chance to have a good talk with her about individuality.
I sat her down ( after she changed back into her own things) and explained to her that God made us all different for a reason. He made us to look the way we did for a reason, yes sometimes we colour our hair and change how we dress but the reason has to be that you like it not so you can be like someone else. If you take up a hobby do it because you enjoy it and are interested not because your friend does it and you think you can do it better. If you like your hair short then cut it who cares if your friends have long hair.. YOU are not them, they are not you. Do not waste your life trying to be a copy of someone else. First of all your friends will get seriously annoyed by it and you'll find they don't want to be around you if you run around after them doing everything they do and copying how they look and dress and do their hair and you'll end up lonely and lost in who you are. They will in fact get mad and start to hate you for it and no longer share any information with you.
 Second, you will never know who YOU are if you don't allow yourself to find out. You cannot go through life being a mix of other people, be you.  ONLY you. She seemed to understand for the most part and asked questions like well what if Alyssa gets a shirt and I like it. I said..Ok, like it.. it doesn't mean you need to run out and get it.. I like plenty of things and lots of stuff my friends do, it doesn't mean I have to do it or buy it. I like Reading what Sheila writes, doesn't mean I'm going to become a writer. I like that Shannon paints her face for events on singsnap, it doesn't mean I'm going to start doing it. I like how kelly has a million animals running around her house, doesn't mean were going to move to a farm and do that too.. you see being different and having different interests makes friendships better, you can learn from them what they like and they can learn from you what you like, but you don't have to be carbon copies of each other or you might as well just be friends with yourself and they will feel that way too.. no one wants to be around someone that is JUST like them..


I gave up the guitar sometime back because well.. I just couldn't get it but I have a new plan on the horizon.. I'm going to be taking piano lessons. I figure I have two hands and long fingers.. I got this! So.. we'll see how that goes, I am already one step ahead of the game as I have a keyboard already that has been sitting collecting dust for years so I may as well put it to work. This may help me get back into writing music again if I can plink out a melody on the keys :)

Well I intended to write longer but I just as I have been doing a lot lately completely lost my train of thought and now have lost interest in thinking anymore, BUT... i do need to do this more often, maybe then my thoughts wont be quite so scattered and so much to write about that I cannot put it all into text..

until next time.. drink coffee and prosper!

Sad day for me today but I am a survivor

I sit here this evening with a heavy heart as I write this blog post.

Sometimes in life no matter how hard we try to make a relationship work whether it be romantic or family or plain old friendship there comes a time when you realize you care about the people in your relationships but they simply don't care back and this my friends is where I am today.

Friendships are like a big bowl of candy sitting on a table.. it gets filled up at the beginning of a friendship and then it is everyone's responsibility to take when they need and put back when others need.. if you have some who only take and take and never put back then eventually the bowl empties and there's nothing left to give or take. This is the end of the friendship..

I have been doing some self evaluating over the last month. Questioning if I am the best friend/ family member/ wife/ mother I can be and the simple answer is this. I'm doing the best I can with what I have to work with.

I talked in my last post about "friends, or the people that call themselves such" well here I sit crying my eyes out feeling pain in my chest that I am certain is not related at all to my health problems after coming to the conclusion that I have to let go of a few people that while I love them dearly, they hurt me over and over and seemingly don't acknowledge it or care or try to make it my fault to ease their own guilt.

 The difference of letting go and saying goodbye is this.. saying goodbye means you will say hello again, when the time is right, when the planets align and you can renew a lost relationship. 
Letting go means you simply do just that, walk away no looking back after all you tried your best and there will never be a change that will make you happy.

The saying goes " what you allow is what will continue" sadly at what cost do you let it continue? At your own risk of losing your mind? At the expense of your own heart that gets broken over and over by the actions of others? When you feel like you aren't even yourself anymore because you are hostile, suspicious, untrusting ( and not without merit) and feel like to these people they would only notice your absence when they are bored and have no one else to use..or anyone to throw under the bus to save their own ass without any regard for the fall out.

I had a couple toxic relationships, people that I have held onto for all the wrong reasons. They were here in my life out of some misguided loyalty I have for them as in I have known them a long time. 
Some that I keep telling myself " They care, they will change, or go back to who they used to be" but this IS A LIE!! They will not change back, and time does not a friendship make. Nor does it help to tell you that your feelings are "stupid" and that you are wrong when you dare stand up for yourself when you feel wronged.
 My favorite is the "i do my best as your friend but you're never happy" um.. well here's the thing, IF in fact these people were doing their best I would be happy would I be not?

I think what we wish for when we want the "old" person back is we want the person they wanted us to think they were when in fact they have been and always will be a fake lying piece of shit that screwed you over and thinks you are too stupid to figure it out. These are the same ones who lie to you about the stupidest damn shit  knowing you can easily find out the truth and then wonder why you believe not a word they say? The ones that it has become that if they tell you the sky is blue you look up to check. How could you possibly believe them? IT'S WRONG! and its so very unhealthy to live that way.

So the last week or so I sit here on this couch and was conflicted with my mind going over many things I sat up today and a realization hit me.. I AM A DOORMAT.. I give and give until I cannot give no more and people take and take and abuse me mentally and emotionally and then have the audacity to get mad at ME when I cannot cope with it and I lash out and tell me that I am hateful and hurtful and that I am wrong about my own feelings.
 This has to end. And now it has. 
There may be fall out from this and I may lose other friends as a domino effect but if that is the case then those people were not truly my friends either so to them i will say don't let the door hit ya where God Split ya.


So here I sit with a heavy heart having just ended 2 friendships that I never imagined for one minute I ever would for the sole purpose of self preservation. Sadly, I have been sucked back into these toxic relationships so many times they may not believe this time its not goodbye.. it's just me.. removed from their orbit. I feel sad but at the same time
Maybe they will find a replacement to abuse and use as a sounding board. I am sure there will be moments when I will want to talk to them..even though I dont talk to someone anymore doesn't mean I stop caring. 
If you can do that you never cared to begin with..so that will hurt me.. but it will pass cause I know deep in my heart unless there is no one better to talk to or listen to their problems they won't think of me this way.. not once. In fact I would bet it will take them weeks to notice I am not even around.
Maybe I feel bad that I didn't properly say goodbye to them, but after several warnings and many bang my head against the wall conversations about how they hurt me.. I guess either they never thought I'd give up and walk away or they pushed me enough to ensure I did.. Only they know which it was.

Someday I will again write a happy blog. WHen I can get my health straight and find out who my friends are, while yes I do know a few that are always there when they get a " you there?" message.. they are the one that always say.. I am.

Friends.. and the people who call themselves such.

Today I am going to rant a little about friends.. you know the people who place in our lives with the hopes that they will add something to your days and existence and make your life more complete.

but what about the ones that act like your friend but really just aren't..


You know the ones, we all have them.. the ones that always ask your advice yet never take it, the ones that are so busy hiding behind their fake shown to the world persona that you never really know who they are, but when you finally do realize it you are left feeling.. well a whole lot disillusioned that they were so manipulative you didn't see past the "nice" person you thought they were.
 Or maybe the ones that find friends not cause they like you per say but they like themselves so little that they are simply looking for a new personality to emulate, a new person to become until they find a new person to become. Uh.. how about being yourself.. if you even know who you are? and of course the "when it's good for me" friend... like when they can fit you in ( usually when they need gossip , bored or yup, want something)

I'm going to start with the "askholes" the ones that ask, want advice and help and no matter what you tell them.. they do what they want to anyhow cause hey, you didn't waste your time giving them advice or anything.

These people always are in a state of overwhelmed, they take on too much, get in over their heads then when need help wont take it. These people constantly pick your brain, make you feel bad for them so you help and then slap you in the face by not even attempting to do what you suggest. Then look at you when it all goes wrong for help cause they only did part of what you suggested and didnt follow through.


Next we have the "goody two shoes" this is the one that acts all nice, and proper and you watch what you say around them because you don't want to offend them but then find out.. it was all an act. They aren't so "good" after all. 
In fact sometimes you may find that they are worse than you. And although you can prove it thanks to other people who do know, you keep quiet to save other friendships and you being a good friend wouldnt want to hurt someone you care about.
They lie (not very well either which is how they get found out over time) they do things in their lives that they hide from friends and family because it would tarnish the image they want to portray to the world..but when you find out these little nuggets of info you look at them completely different and no longer moderate yourself when you talk to them, I mean why should you.. fake people have an image to maintain real people don't give a shit. 
I like not giving a shit personally.. I guess that means I am comfortable who who I am as a grown ass woman I swear, I drink, I laugh at inappropriate things and you know what, I'm good with that and if people don't like it then well... bye


This brings me to the "emulator" the one that probably is the "fake friend too" the one that the more you know them the more they become like you, your style, your hobbies, tries to out-do you, can't seem to think on their own nor do they know who they are ( probably from so many years of pretending to be what they aren't).
 At first you may be flattered that they take up things you are interested in because hey, then you have something to talk about, but then you see the same hair, clothes, way of speaking, all your interests are now theirs and you begin to wonder "would you like me to step aside and just let you have my personality and just be me, cause there is NOT room on the planet for two of me.
 BUT never ever make the mistake of saying anything to anyone about it bothering you cause it'll get back to them and then they'll start acting like a twatwaffle. 
These people you deal with by simply moving on to the next style, next idea, next hobby... let them have it  if they want it so bad.. this is the great thing about being the emulated, clearly YOU are the one with the good ideas and have plenty of them and the talent to go along with it.


Which brings us to the "convenience store brand" of friend. The one that only talks to you when there's nothing better to do, no one else to talk to, need to be filled in on whats new and keep tabs on you. 
These people aren't really your friend but possibly an enemy in disguise.. you know the saying.. keep your friends close keep your enemies closer, but they suck at it. It's hard to maintain a friendship (if you call it that) when all you are doing is digging for info and idle chit chat. These people dont care about your problems, in fact deep down they are overjoyed when bad stuff happens to you and don't care when there's great things, they get pleasure from your misfortune. 
These people will only contact you when it's convenient if you try to make contact when they have something to do they will ignore you until the "right" time then make contact.
Quite often these people talk badly about their friends and family and judge them..  for the same shit they do in private no less. Then accuse their friends of not being around.. uh, hmm, wonder why? I only stick around because I feel like I am being forced to...
So you know if they talk shit about people they "love" you know they talk about you.. sometimes you are even fortunate enough to get told they talk about you and criticize you but for the very things you know they do themselves but no one else knows that. You being the bigger person does not retaliate but if you ever did you could blow their world apart with your knowledge.


But then.. there is this select group of people you call friends.. yes I do have some, it's a VERY small close knit group of about 6 that ARE friends. These are the ones you complain to about these other listed above friends. The friends that at any given time if you need them.. you know for certainty they are going to be there. The ones that will hate someone that wronged you without knowing them but on principal that they hurt someone they care about.
These are the people who remember special dates, fears, dislikes and remind you of things you need to do that you forgot. They never lie to you or hold back.
The ones you share everything with without fear of judgement, gossip, hostility.
These are the people that you can call crying over something silly and they do not find it silly at all and if they do they dont make fun of you or make jokes, they simply tell you.. that's fucking stupid snap out of it!!
These are the nes that can decipher chocking sobs that should be words and know just what to say. The ones that when you need them they dont check to see if they have time even if they should be somewhere. The ones that YOU try to be like, they are the friend to you that you are to them.. theres nothing else.. a common love, and friendship and respect you get from no one else in the world. 
The friend that can say nothing at all but you know they heard every word you said and when they ask you your opinion they want it and will take your advice because they respected you and your infinite wisdom enough to ask for it, and the same goes with them, if they tell you to do something you try to..

This last group of people TRUE friends is who I plan to surround myself with from now on. No more "askholes" no more "fakers" no more "emulators" no more "convenience"

Just friends, who enrich our lives, make us better people for knowing them and make every single day worth living.
MY true friends know who they are.




 

Just a nice post no rants :)

While I was laying in bed, which is all I seem to do these days after my Hysterectomy ( I will cover that another time), I was thinking..
oh no is the collective thought here I'm sure. haha but seriously.
 I was thinking not about the usual stuff like the kids fighting or what to make for dinner but just trying to find a good thought and something nice that made me smile I did manage to pull a few of those from my memory bank.

This one pertained to a conversation I once heard between a man and a woman years ago
.
Now I wasn't eavesdropping per say I just happened to hear and there are times I wonder about those two people.
I am pretty sure that this conversation that took place may have been one of my favorite things I can recall.,so I'm going to share it.

I heard this man say to the woman he was talking to that she looked very pretty that day and she brushed off his comment immediately with a put down of herself. ( of course I understand this as I do it myself when anyone tries to pay me a compliment lol)

He then said to her " Don't you know that you are beautiful? and I say that with all of my heart. You are!, on the inside and the outside. There is something about your kindness and caring and always giving of others that makes you that way. You have a beautiful smile and that smile carries right up to your eyes and you know it's real and that you are genuine"

She just sat there looking at him and he continued

"I will never tell you that you are hot or sexy any other of those words men use on women because you are not. I think calling a woman hot is only what you see on the outside and it's degrading to say those things to someone you love. I will always call you beautiful because it's your beauty that makes me love you with all my heart and that made me care for you so deeply"

She smiled at him and she said simply.
"thank you"

The look on her face after hearing this changed, it was like something inside her had changed, not that I think she suddenly felt beautiful but that maybe she felt respected by him. That she wasn't just a nice face and a good body but that she was being recognized for who she was on the inside. Even I got a little choked up at this point.

I am pretty sure if she wasn't already, she fell in love with him in that moment. He had her whole heart in his hands.

Now I often sit and wonder.. years later does he still feel that way about her, does he still think she's beautiful or did with time those sweet words and thoughts he had then fade? 
Does she still feel beautiful and does he make her feel that way, does he ever tell her?

It got me then to thinking about how at the beginning of relationships and even the middle how so many things can be said that are so from the heart and pure and caring that fade over time.
Do people still put as much effort into staying in love with someone as they do falling in love in the first place.?

I guess I'd like to believe somewhere out there that man still thinks she is beautiful and that she still feels that way and that time has not let either of them forget why they fell in love in the first place.

:)

I don't even know what to call this post

Todays post will make little sense but just all the thoughts running through my head in no particular order..i'll call it a rant and off chesting of sorts..

There are times in our lives when we do not know how to react to people. When they say things to you that are so mean and hurtful you in one of those rare moments in life fall silent waiting.. hoping.. that they will realize what they just said to you and see how assholish it actually sounded.

But sadly no, most times they don't. It's not even 10am and already I have experienced this today. Someone said something to me by all accounts hurt me to the core and yet kept talking like they'd said nothing wrong.. How does one respond? 

I used to be a person that would call people out on thier bullshit quite promptly but after years of having my displeasure turned back on me I have given up, I say nothing and keep it in.. that is until I get on the phone with Sheila, THEN and only then do I get to say whats going on in my mind to a person who I know never judges me, never thinks I'm over reacting and even if she does she points it out in a way that is not condescending or hurtful. She listens to me and I her.
 This is why she is my best friend. 
I notice over many years friendships change. People take others for granted, expect them to take whatever you dish out and continue on your merry way. 

Last week I removed 56 people off my facebook. Why? Well quite simply this.. I dont need to see a friends list compiled of 400 friends to make me feel like i have friends. What I rather is a list of 99 and of them 20 I talk to and the rest I enjoy seeing what they post. 

I dont know how anyone can keep up with the goings on of that many people and not be emotionally and mentally exausted after reading it all, not to mention you may miss out on the stuff that matters to someone who matters cause you are caught up in a million daily posts.
I have found this to be true. I have posted things that were incredibly important and yet, overlooked.
Then people wonder why they dont know whats going on.

Electronic overload..

If people spent half as much time with thier kids as they do on thier phones, computers, tv etc.. we may have more well rounded children.
I know my girls are on thier electronics alot but it irks me to no end to see mothers and fathers of young children with thier hands on those beloved phones non stop..more than the average teenager..thats brutal.. who is really that important that you cannot put the damn thing down?
I sometimes see this and want to say "hey! You, mom/dad, why dont you shut your phone off and enjoy your children you claim to love so much instead of texting away like theres no tomorrow. Those people can wait, your kids will be grown soon.

Now on to trust..
You ever feel like you have people you cannot trust? Like every word you say to them is shared with someone else. When you text them you feel like actually saying hi to the person you are sure is being shown your messages just for the shock factor of, yeah I know you are showing it to them..You can figure this out easily because the other person cannot keep stuff to themselves and randomly out of the blue starts talking about a subject you were talking to someone else about.. 
Those are ah-ha moments. When you realize even though they swore that your conversation was just between you that it was shared. It truly makes you pull back from the original person and tell them very little.. unless of course you want it shared.
This happened to me for awhile I would talk to one person about something and then low and behold someone they know would try to bring up a subject similar to it..the next day or two days later.. huh. Next topic of conversation, im not playing that game. This doesnt sit well with noseys.. when you wont engage.

Kids: I love my kids but lately here they drive me crazy.. the fighting non stop, the back talk, and general messiness of their rooms is driving me to drink.
All the while I am listening to what all I can do and should do for them when they cant do one simple tyhing like pick up a damn plate... I'm going to go on strike in awhile here and see what happens while I am not able to do what I do everyday. THEN they will figure it out.

Well, now my coffee is empty and I need another and got to get to doing what I'm supposed to be doing.